In formal mentoring programs, training for the participants is critical to the success of the mentoring partnership. Mentoring is an intimate learning relationship that requires intentionality to make it work. Too often I hear about programs that weren’t successful and have resulted in formal mentoring programs getting a bad rap. There are many benefits to formal mentoring programs however achieving the desired objectives of the program doesn’t happen by accident. In addition to a thoughtfully crafted matching process, training for the mentoring partners is critical.

The three primary objectives of mentoring training are setting the framework, establishing a foundation and developing relationship skills.

Varying definitions of mentoring exist as well as differing expectations regarding how to “conduct” mentoring to generate desired outcomes. Establishing a common framework for participants sets the context, parameters and expectations within which the partnerships will take place. The relational mentoring model I use is based on a mutual learning relationship where both mentees and mentors set goals for what they want to explore during the partnership.

The training establishes the foundation for the relationship, serving as a facilitated first meeting between the mentees and mentors. The mentoring pairs complete exercises and engage in dialog to establish points of connection, find alignment and discuss candidly how they want to design their relationship. This intentionality supports the pairs to achieve their desired outcomes.

The training strengthens the relationship from the onset through skills development such as connecting cross culturally, bridging difference, generating trust, effective communication and sharing feedback.

There are no guarantees that a mentoring pair matched through a formal process will find points of connection and take a mutually active interest in the relationship. What I do know is that training matters. It is a fundamental aspect of implementing a formal program that sets up the participants for success, on their terms.

I was delighted to lead a workshop on “Diversity and Inclusion on Teams” for a class of engineering students at the University of Toronto last week. As part of the university’s Leaders of Tomorrow program, students can obtain a certificate in Team Skills.

Engineering. Leadership. Team Skills. Diversity and Inclusion. How remarkable! All these critical competencies offered in one program. Times have changed and learning about this program, which has been around since 2002, buoys me with optimism for the future.

I worked for almost two decades in a global technology company. In my early years I was responsible for recruiting new grad engineers and technical staff. While of course we wanted people who demonstrated leadership and showed potential for advancement, our primary focus was technical competency. Team and diversity education wasn’t on our radar.

These same engineers are still in the workforce today and I hear continually from clients and colleagues about the challenges of working effectively on teams – silo mentality, lack of trust, and high levels of stress and anxiety from the pressure to produce results.

In my current field of leadership and team development, diversity and inclusion are topics that are rarely addressed directly. In fact, when I ask colleagues how they deal with diversity and inclusion challenges on teams and in organizations, they often respond saying “That’s your thing. I don’t talk about it.” Ugh.

Research shows positive relationships have a direct positive impact on the performance of teams and their ability to be innovative, problem solve and produce results. So with this knowledge I am frustrated by the reluctance to talk about diversity on teams by my colleagues. Developing inclusive teams and workplaces must be integrated into the leadership and team development work we do in organizations.

Now you can understand my excitement at discovering a terrific program like the Leaders of Tomorrow at the University of Toronto. Their vision is as bold as the projects their students will create in the future “An engineering education that is a lifelong foundation for transformational leaders and outstanding citizens.” Things really are changing.

Let’s celebrate efforts like these by sharing them publicly. What innovative, integrated programs do you know about for developing “leaders for tomorrow”?

An important aspect of career advancement is the establishment of a diverse developmental network which is defined as “a set of relationships an individual has with people who take an active interest in and action to advance the individual’s career by assisting with his or her personal and professional development.” -Higgins & Thomas, Constellations and Careers.

Accordingly, the best developmental networks are diverse across three dimensions:

1. Functional (e.g. policy, finance, operations; marketing, HR, R&D)
2. Positional (e.g. hierarchy – senior, peer, junior)
3. Demographical (e.g. race/ethnicity, gender, generation, geographic region)

Three Roles You Want Present in Your Network:

• Mentor: A trusted person in the organization or industry, often at a more senior level, with whom you can get advice, gain perspective, get connected to others, access information and learn from the experiences of the mentor.
• Coach: An individual who provides support for self awareness, personal development and accountability to achieving goals. Coaches support you to develop ideas and discover answers about yourself and your work. Good mentors are often good coaches too
• Sponsor:  Sponsors help you connect to influential people. Sponsors advocate on your behalf for recognition, funding, promotions and career opportunities gaining support from prominent peers in the organization or industry. Sponsors are seen as critical to career advancement and business development 

Developmental networks are also referred to as a personal board of directors or advisors, a wisdom council, career constellation or a sanity circle. Whatever term you prefer, take the time to reflect on who is currently on your team. What roles are missing? How diverse are your members? Who would you like to invite onto your team? 

Please share your suggestions and experiences below. What name do you use for your developmental network?

Chaos. Not knowing. Confusion. Uncertainty. These are not words that we typically include in describing the environment we want to create to solve problems. More likely these are often the descriptors we are actively seeking to eliminate. And yet, it’s at the edge of chaos and order that innovation lives. It is also the exact place where the practice of leadership lives. This Chaordic Path between chaos and order is where things are not fixed but rather flexible enough for new connections and solutions to occur. New levels of order become possible out of chaos if we’re able to stay on the path long enough to see what emerges. How do we do this?

By hosting conversations that matter. As Margaret Wheatley states, “Conversations are how we humans think together.” Conversations leverage change. During times of growing uncertainty and increased complexity and where results cannot be predicted, leaders need to invite others to share diverse knowledge to discover new purpose and strategies. The way forward emerges from there.

Hosting conversations as an act of leadership means taking responsibility for creating and holding the “container” in which a group of people can do their best work together. Tim Merry, co-founder of the Art of Hosting positions it in the form of a question. “What’s the minimum order we can put together to have meaningful conversations to solve the complex problems we face?”

We have to be willing to stand in not knowing. We have to be courageous enough to trust the collective wisdom. Chaordic confidence is the capacity to stay in the dance of order and chaos supporting a generative emergence that allows new, collective intelligence and wise action to occur. Our ability to hold chaotic confidence creates a path toward common ground, co-creation and strategic action.

When facing new challenges that cannot be met in the same way we are currently working, we need to learn new ways of operating. I’m excited about this global evolution of participative leadership where we travel the chaordic path together discovering innovative solutions and initiating change through conversations that matter.

On Sunday I ran a 10k race in beautiful central Ontario. When I picked up my kit bag, my t-shirt was men’s size small/medium which was the smallest shirt they had. Too big. Again. Not a big deal you say. Not really. Except that I have so many men’s t-shirts from running races that do not fit because they are too big and too baggy. What’s frustrating is that in recent years more women are signing up to run races than men. In this particular race, there have been significantly more women than men participating for the eight years the race has been in existence. Why are only men’s style shirts available?

Now flip to the boardroom. Last week I was reading about the lack of progress women are making in obtaining boardroom seats.

According to Catalyst, women’s representation in leadership positions has stagnated in the U.S. Fortune 500 companies with women holding 14.6% of corporate board seats in 2006 and 15.7% in 2010. The picture in Canada isn’t any better with the number of women board seats in the Financial Post 500 going from 11.2 % in 2003 to 14% in 2009. Not a lot of progress for all the effort. While organizations like Catalyst are having a positive impact on women’s advancement and opportunities in business, improvement is painstakingly slow.

For women of colour, it’s an even more dismal picture. A recent article in the Huffington Post, describes the hurdles black women face in corporations where black women held just 1.9% of board seats in the Fortune 500 compared to 12.7% for white women (This data is from the 2010 Alliance for Board Diversity Census.) The added challenges and lack of recognition have resulted in black women saying “so long” to the corporate world and starting up successful businesses of their own.

What’s the connection between my ‘too big’ running shirt and women on boards?

The lack of women in the boardroom is a measure of the cumulative impact of micro-inequities defined by Mary Rowe of MIT as “apparently small events which are often ephemeral and hard-to-prove, events which are covert, often unintentional, frequently unrecognized by the perpetrator, which occur wherever people are perceived to be ‘different’.” Women are obtaining advanced degrees at an ever increasing rate compared to men, they work hard and take on challenging assignments but it’s never enough. Women are not getting the rewards or recognition.

My big men’s shirt is a micro-inequity that says, you are second, not important enough to provide a shirt that fits. A micro message of ‘less than’ common to women’s ears. And to my surprise this dynamic played out during the race.

Early on I passed a very fit women with calves of solid muscle walking up a hill. I commented that she looked so strong that I was surprised she was walking. She said she had an injury so had to take it easy on the hills. Throughout the race we were leap frogging each other and I had no doubt that she was a faster runner than me. About 1 km from the end she slowed up and was running beside me. She said she’d run in just behind me. I said, “Hey, go for it. No need to stay behind. You’re a fast runner.” Her response was “Oh no. My boss is just in front of us and I can’t pass him. He’s had a tough race and wouldn’t like it if I passed him.” I was shocked. “This is about individual performance. You’ve done so well even with your injury. C’mon! Let’s go!” “Oh no” she said again. “I couldn’t do that. He’d be upset.” I was stupefied. So I did the only thing a system disrupter like me could do. I ran hard to pass him, forcing her to make a choice between staying back behind him or coming along with me. She stayed back.

Now here’s the fascinating part. I won 3rd in my age group. Except they had me in the wrong age group so the medal they gave me didn’t have my age group on it. On a hunch I checked the results and then went up to the woman from the race and asked her what her age group was. Sure enough she was in the age group for which they had given me the medal. I gave her the medal and said “I’m giving this to you for two reasons. One, you should have beat me and got this medal but you held back. Second, they put me in the wrong age group so in fact you legitimately won this medal. I want you to have it.” She was so delighted. Almost in awe of receiving a medal. “Oh I can’t take it” she said. “It’s yours” I told her no, it was hers, she earned it and I wanted her to have it. She was so happy to have it and yet had been willing to forfeit it for the sake of her boss. Since then I keep wondering, what is it about her boss that has her be afraid to pass him in a recreational running race?

According to Rowe, “the cumulative, corrosive effect of many inequities, and micro-inequities have been a principal scaffolding for discrimination in the US. Micro-inequities appear to be a serious problem since much of this bias is unconscious and unrecognized—and even hard to believe when described.” True in Canada too.

Micro-inequities whether on the road to the podium or the boardroom have the same impact: women don’t receive the rewards as much as they should. And the end result is that women are creating their own spaces to excel in women-only races and women-owned businesses. Our track records in both cases are real success stories. And we’re wearing the shirts to prove it!

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how to make lasting systemic social change. There are lots of methodologies and best practices and training programs around that serve a good purpose and yet the problems they are intended to resolve are still prevalent, in some cases getting worse.

Last week I attended a Change Lab workshop in Toronto, facilitated by Adam Kahane and Joe McCarron of Reos Partners. The Change Lab is an approach designed for working on complex social problems. Their version of a Change Lab has  “Theory U” at its core.  The process is systemic, participative and creative. Kahane explained that for complex problems where we don’t know how to get from A to B, where the answer is around the corner, the “U” helps us find answers by acting as a detour to allow us to see what is emerging. And most importantly, we gain the ability to see the relationships and connections that are central to understanding the complex system.

This was my second time through the Theory U Change Lab process and what I like about it is the concept of movement. So often we get stuck in old patterns of thinking and attempts to intellectually discuss “what next?” The Change Lab is about creating movement through dialog, learning journeys, reflection, prototyping solutions and trying them out all the while paying attention to what’s emerging or wanting to happen. As the system reveals itself, we continue to adapt and change our next steps taking this new information into account.

Sounds simple doesn’t it? It is according to Kahane. “Simple but not easy. Social change work is a process that requires continued enrolling, creating and testing.”

With innovative approaches such as the Change Lab that evolve as system awareness evolves, we have ways to address complex social problems. Perhaps as much as things appear to stay the same, they really can change for the better. I’m hopeful.

Hope is a dimension of the spirit. It is not outside us, but within us…The more I think about it, the more I incline to the opinion that the most important thing of all is not to lose hope and faith in life itself…This doesn’t mean closing one’s eyes to the horrors of the world–quite the contrary in fact…[Hope] is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. By Valclav Havel as quoted in the book Getting to Maybe: How the World is Changed

What is so fearful about saying “I don’t know”? Who made up the rule that we have to know all the time? That there is something wrong if we don’t know?

No such rule exists. In fact, the more we can slow down and be ok with ‘not knowing’, the better ideas we’ll have and the greater progress we will make more quickly. Consider these three approaches to decision making:

1. When we think we know.

In these situations we likely don’t spend a lot of time thinking about what to do. We quickly say “I’ll do this” or “I’ll get the team to do that”. Now this type of quick decision making and problem solving is a good thing and works well for simple problems. At times we need to be able to respond quickly and efficiently. And sometimes this can be an autopilot reaction that doesn’t accomplish much. We’re not open to other ideas. You know the saying “if you always do things the same way, you’ll always get the same results”. We wonder how come we end up in the same situation repeatedly and feel like we’re not making much progress.

2. When we force ourselves to know.

As leaders in our work and lives, we want to achieve results. We can lose many hours of sleep fretting about how to achieve the results. Our minds spin and obsess and we do crazy things because of the fear of getting it wrong. We also don’t want anyone to know that we don’t know. What if we get caught not knowing? So we make a decision and hope for the best. Sometimes we can be defensive when we make decisions this way because we don’t want people to know that we didn’t know – that we made a best guess. Even when a best guess is the best we can do given the circumstances.

3. When we’re ok not knowing.

These are the times where the path forward is not clear and we give ourselves permission to put the problem or situation to rest for awhile and to be in the ‘not knowing’ place. We are comfortable asking the question, “what’s trying to happen?” and are patient waiting for new perspectives and ideas to emerge.  These are the moments where deep in our gut we ‘just know’. We have a sense of calm inside that signals to us that we’ve landed on a solution or next step that feels right. We have taken the time to slow down and be present in the moment, to notice the cues and subtle information coming our way. When we stop looking for the decision and are able to let go, something will pop and then we just know.

Who has time for pausing and reflection?

I’m not saying that making quick or forced decisions is a bad thing. I’m saying that we want to be aware of how we’re making decisions. When dealing with more complex problems we have to be open to new information and ways of looking at things. New possibilities come from giving ourselves more time and space for reflection rather than autopilot reaction.

The next time you are in the place of not knowing and are feeling some urgency ‘to know’, set it aside. Give yourself permission to say ‘I don’t know’ and be ok with it. Go for a walk or sit under a tree or get on your bike. Often just being outside in nature for a while helps us see things we hadn’t seen before. Meditate, write in your journal or simply breathe for a few minutes. You will be pleasantly surprised at what information shows up that you might otherwise not have noticed. You will achieve better results faster because you took it slower. And you’ll sleep better too.

Please share here how you give yourself space for reflection and new ideas. You may have guessed from my other blog postings that my favourite form of reflection is running. I always return inspired with a new idea about something I’m working on. What works for you?

Recently I was in a meeting with a few colleagues talking about co-developing a customized leadership program for a client. When it came time to decide how we’d actually create the program, one person said “well we all know the best way to develop a program is to lock yourself in a dark room and write it by yourself.” I was surprised (shocked actually) by this comment because this person is someone who works as a team and leadership coach and “knows” all about generating high-quality team experiences. As coaches and leaders, isn’t it important to practice what we teach?

My colleague is human however and unfortunately her gut level response is indicative of how many people feel when they think about working on teams. “Oh no! Not another team!” We envision complex to do lists, uneven distribution of work, taking a lot longer to get things done, too many conference calls and of course, conflict among team members resulting in a whole lot of stress, lack of trust and the blame game. Not a great perspective to be in for producing results.

We’ve all participated in teams – at work, at school, in our community. How many of us would say it has been a positive experience? Positive isn’t a word we typically attribute to what we know of working on a team. However, positivity is one of the fundamental measures of team performance along with the familiar measures of productivity – more, better, faster, cheaper. When it comes to positivity outcomes however, they are typically referred to as “soft stuff”, non-essential and only when there is time and budget for “team building” will we invest any resources in these activities. And yet, when times are tough, that’s when we need to pay attention to the positivity or relationship aspects even more. Research shows that there is a direct correlation between the level of positivity on a team and the ability to produce results. Positivity increases employee engagement and retention, improves profitability and fuels creativity and innovation. Positivity isn’t about spending an afternoon doing “funstuff”. It’s about concrete tools like creating a team contract that outlines how the team wants to work together, identifying and minimizing team toxins, learning emotional and cultural intelligence leadership skills, and how to have the conversations we tend to shy away from.

Phil Sandahl, Co-Founder of Team Coaching International (TCI), recently reported that out of a data sample of 200 teams, less than 10% would classify themselves as high performing teams (based on the results of the Team Diagnostic Assessment which has been used with over 1000 teams to date globally.) Why is this happening? According to Sandahl, it’s because they weren’t trained in how to work on a team. I agree.

Have I personally had negative team experiences? I certainly have. I’ve also had some great experiences too. Knowing what it’s like to be on a great team and be able to produce amazing results is what fuels my passion for working with teams to help them have an amazing experience too. That’s what led me to organizations like Team Coaching International and the Center For Right Relationship for advanced training in working with relationship systems and organizations.

Teams are a good thing. Teams can do things individuals cannot do alone. Teams enable us to do more with less. And we can learn how to have our team experiences be positive and productive.

On April 18th I ran the 115th Boston Marathon. I achieved my really big goal. However it didn’t turn out exactly as I anticipated. My finishing time was 4 hours 27 minutes – a full 30 minutes slower than my qualifying time!! And the weather conditions were perfect – 55 degrees and a strong tailwind. In fact, the men’s winner finished the race in 2 hours and 3 minutes!! The fastest time ever for a marathon. So while I achieved my really big goal, I have to admit that initially I was disappointed in my result. What happened?? I asked myself this question repeatedly for the rest of that day and much of the next.

And then I watched the video clip I took of finishing the marathon. (Yes I carried my Flip video camera and took some footage along the way.) Hearing the crowds again and seeing the finish line ahead as I ran down Boylston Street brought a rush of emotion. What a spectacular event! And I got to experience it. I ran the Boston Marathon.

Boston Marathon April 18, 2011 (click on this link to see my finishing video clip)

My time was slow and I didn’t re-qualify (yes, I did wonder that at the start line …I couldn’t help it…) and I am now content with my result. Figuring out what happened that caused me to run out of energy half way through doesn’t matter anymore. Sometimes we can get so focused on the end result (finishing time) that we miss the journey along the way. I’m so glad I took my little video camera with me because I will be able to always remember what it was like to run the Boston Marathon – the first time!

I’m running the Boston Marathon on April 18th for the first time. I’m very excited. It’s been a really big goal for me since my first marathon in 1995. Since then I have run 15 more marathons in my effort to qualify to run Boston. For those of you not in the running community, Boston is the premiere marathon. Every marathoner I know wants to run Boston. To do so you must qualify by running a previous marathon within a certain time depending on your age and gender. The question for most people at the beginning of each marathon is “will I qualify this time?”

So here I am – less than 3 weeks from achieving my really big goal. How did I get here? This is what I came up with on my run this morning.

Discipline

“You can’t cheat the marathon.” I remember these words from my first marathon training program years ago. What it means is that in order to be able to run 26.2 miles (42.2 km) and not get injured you must train and put in the weekly mileage. You’ve got to do the work. Sounds simple. Follow your training plan and all is well. True, and it requires discipline to make it out running when you don’t feel like it, when the only time you can fit it in that day is 5am, or when the weather is bitter cold or wet and nasty. If it’s long run day then you have to get out and do your long run. The other part of discipline is staying the course. Setbacks, repeated attempts and falling off your plan are all part of the learning process. Valuable wisdom comes with discipline when you pay attention.

Pay attention

A couple big challenges are completing the training without injury or sickness. The training pushes you to your edges of what’s possible physically, mentally and emotionally. You have to pay attention to the signals such as a nagging pain or significant lethargy. Is it better to take a rest day or run today? It’s a balance between discipline and knowing when to take a break – paying attention and taking time to reflect on your progress and what will best serve you in the ‘long run’. Perhaps it means choosing a yoga class or having a nap.

Cross-training

I learned the value of cross training the hard way. I love running and so rarely miss a run on my run days. When I have a lot going on I still won’t miss a run however other activities such as swimming or strength training fall off the agenda. After a few significant injuries that kept me from running for over 6 months each time, I learned that cross training is essential. Cross training can provide the much needed strength and flexibility necessary for endurance. In fact, since I became an active yoga practitioner four years ago, I have been injury free, no longer require orthotics in my shoes and have a lot more energy on my runs.

Small goals

Running a marathon is a really big goal. At least for me. I was never much of an athlete growing up and the idea of running a marathon was inconceivable when I first started running. I started with small goals. My first running race was a 10k. I liked it. I ran a bunch more short races. Bit by bit I increased my long runs to the point where I could run about 10 miles. So then I tried a half marathon. I liked it too. I decided to train and see if I could run a marathon. You know the ending to that story already. I continue to run a lot of shorter races because they give me information on how well I’m doing with respect to speed and overall performance. Running well in a 5km race can be just as rewarding as qualifying for Boston. Well, almost …

Community

When I decided to run a marathon the first thing I did was sign up for a training program with Marathon Dynamics. That was a very wise choice. Not only did I learn a lot about the art and science of running a marathon, I discovered a community of runners who had similar aspirations. We ran long runs together, talked about strategy together, commiserated about injuries together, and celebrated successes together. Over the years I’ve continued to value community including all those people who have been supporting me from the sidelines with encouragement and water bottles!

To sum it up, achieving my really big goal of running the Boston Marathon has been a combination of having a disciplined plan and paying attention to what works and doesn’t work. Integrating cross training has provided additional strength and capability to facilitate my progress. Setting small goals along the way to monitor my performance along with a community of people with whom to learn and share the experience has kept me positive and optimistic. Now all I have to do is eat well, rest well and look forward to saying “I am running the Boston Marathon” at the starting line.

What really big goals have you had? How did you achieve your goal? What got in the way? What did you learn? Please share your experiences here.